My eyes slowly creak open to a dark room, the lingering of a headache permeating and the hint of bad morning breath simmers around me. I know this feeling too well, another drunken stupor and I lay in my own filth and sweat as I wallow in regret. I try to mustard up the least amount of energy to get up and urinate; though there have been times where I don’t make it that far and instead choose to piss the bed. I cautiously sit up and reach to caress my forehead, the pounding is worse than usual and I contemplate the idea of just going back to sleep but then I feel it, the unsettling of my stomach; gag reflexes begin to spasm,
“shit”, I mummer out loud.
I’m about to vomit; something I haven’t done in years, more like 20 years to be more exact. I let it out onto the floor, the smell filling the air; I don’t recognize the scent what the hell was I drinking last night? My bladder about to burst I know I must get out of bed, dazed and confused I reach over to turn on my lamp on the bedside table; I fall to the floor when I grab nothing but empty air.
“Fuck!”, I shout out in irritation.
I look up and see nothing, the room is pitch black; I don’t remember it getting this dark in my room, I crawl towards the bed and just accept the fact I’m about to piss myself; but I don’t care I need more sleep. Reaching out to pull myself up onto the mattress I once again grab nothing, I crawl a bit more and start waving both arms to try attach myself to something but nothing.
“What the fuck?”, I whisper to myself with befuddlement.
Frustrated with my hangover I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone — 10 percent of battery life left — good, I turn on the flashlight feature and look around to see how far away I fell off the bed but there’s nothing, absolute emptiness; just darkness engulfing me. My eyes widen with a bit of fear, I realize this must be some alcoholic induced hallucination. I stand to my feet, trying to gather my bearings I look all around and see nothing just more darkness, but then suddenly I see it from the corner my eye. It’s a door with an immense bright light seeping in through the gaps of it. I feel the stream of hot piss falling down my leg, I walk towards the door and the closer I get the more I realize something is off; something about that door isn’t right and I stop. I feel like I’m suppose to walk through it but I’m terrified, something about it is not normal and I start walking backwards cautiously with my eyes fixated on it and that’s when I hear the voice, that voice,
“No, no, no, no, no”, I turn to run but once again I’m facing the door.
It’s a kids a voice, one that I never wanted to hear again, this had to be a nightmare,
“think, think, think,” I repeat to myself.
I have to remember last night, with my head throbbing I digest the memories that are prevalent and I try to brush the cloud of fogginess away and restore the events of last night. I remember being at a dinner party with my wife, me sitting at the dinner table drinking my glass of Absolute on the rocks, and staring at Cindy — my wife's best friend. I was already drunk by this point and I couldn’t stop looking at her chest, I’ve always been one to admire the natural curves of a woman; I look up and realize Cindy is smiling at me and I start to get hard.
“Open the door”, the kids voice penetrates through the air it breaking my concentration.
What happened next, okay think; that’s right my wife caught me staring and I remember her screaming at me with such disdain, we were outside perhaps; I think we left the party. I start hitting the side of my head trying to remember.
“You’ve gotten worse, whats wrong with you?”, I do remember my wife telling me.
My drinking has gotten worse through out the years, me drowning my sorrows in a glass of vodka on a daily basis. I start remembering we did have an audience everyone from the party looking on as we yelled at each other and then,
I slapped my wife, I did, something I’ve never done before and I did it in front of everyone to see; I could hear the gasps of shock flutter in the air as everyone witnessed on; appalled by my behavior. Then John, yes John one of the husbands came running at me punching me in the face. I reach up to touch my eye, it’s tender, but then once again I’m drawing a blank.
“You have to open the door”, the kid’s voice calls out to me once again.
“Leave me alone!”, I yell back.
Fuck this, I start to run away, I run in all directions but no matter where I turn there’s the door, just staring at me; it calling to me — it wanting me to open it. I feel my head spinning from all the running and I puke all over the floor once again, well at least I think it’s a floor. Okay after getting up from John’s punch I remember storming to my car and driving off in anger, cursing everyone and yelling “Fuck you” to my wife, and then, damn it blank again. The door continues to stare at me, it drawing me to it as if I were a fly attracted to one of those blue light traps. I fall to my knees in utter defeat and I start to weep, I officially give up.
“You have to open the door”, the kid tells me.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, I was out for celebration, they promoted me to V.P. I knew I drank too much but I was so close to being home; what the hell were you doing out so late! I didn’t mean to hit you, fuck!”.
He was one of my neighbors kids, he always liked to play outside and I had just gotten a promotion at work. I flooded the bars with my co-workers in celebration drinking more than I ever had before. After hitting the kid I didn’t know what to do, it was a mistake after all, I wasn’t going to let the kid ruin my life. So I buried him in the backyard and as I poured the dirt on his body his whimpers became louder so I had to hit him with the shovel; I had no other choice. I suddenly remember, that’s what the party was, it wasn’t a party, it was a memorial, he was John’s kid.
“Open the fucking door!”, the kid screams out again, this time with a more insidious growl.
He’s right, I need to open it, it’s time and with that I stand to my feet still crying while my head pounds away. As I approach the door my breathing becomes heavy and I can feel my heart beating intensely. I reach out to grab the door knob and that’s when everything from last night hits me. Leaving the party I sped onto the highway pushing about 90 miles per hour, with little regard for other drivers. That’s when another car clips me and I hurl towards the dividing concrete median at full force; me not wearing a seat belt I fly through the windshield. With my other free hand I reach out to touch the top of my head and realize half my skull is missing, with that I turn the knob and open the door.
Thanks for reading!
Copyright Adan Mendez (All rights reserved).