Pretentious

Adan Men
3 min readFeb 19, 2022

Haven’t written in awhile…here is my morning routine; sort of.

I started to edit my stories and uploading them on Youtube, enjoy and visit my channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTnmfK2f7MmHmJcRIFA4I1g

My eyes cautiously open with strain and I am inundated with apprehension, gradually a cohesion of thoughts begin to accumulate. A mist of cloudiness along with bewilderment leave me paralyzed with disdain for the lucid; I realize I have to get out of bed and go to work.

Carefully I shift my body out of my once coma state and with all my energy but with little effervescence I sit up. Feeling as if the gods of gravity were angry at the ‘awake’ its oppression is multiplied by ten; the magical force pushes down on my shoulders leaving me defeated but more so cynical. Before standing I glance with entrancement one last time at my pillow and fantasies of sleep creep into my mind; wanting to return to the land of slumber where the boundaries of reality are pushed to the realm of the possible. I give out one last demoralized sigh and by some miracle I find myself standing on my own two feet, amazed; some invisible compulsion begins to pull me into my arduous routine. The whole process I find superfluous and it leaves me lethargic, though I know I should value these moments because the day only becomes worse; its almost pernicious.

Left right; left right; I swivel my toothbrush back and forth against my teeth effortlessly with no real aggression or motivation, but more so I am enthralled in my own desire to be some where else. Continuing on this yellow brick road I begin the process of dressing myself, such a tedious task but one that I take pride in — go figure. Meticulously I drape on my armor for the day and gaze at myself in the mirror as I do so, lost in a trance of hubris and delight from my own reflection I wistfully realize this moment is the pivotal highlight of my day. I tread quietly towards the front door as the feeling of a darkness casts its shadow overhead; leaving me angst and unenthused.

Leaving the solace of my home I inch closer to my chariot as I stealth-fully maneuver away from any eye contact with my neighbors. Once inside I instinctively turn on the radio with no real goal of listening to what was playing; while doing so I have an epiphany; its the missing piece to my life; the “ying” to my “yang”; coffee. Coffee is what has evaded me this abysmal morning, yes the nectar of life and the ruler of merriment. My dopamine levels start to spike as I gleefully dream of the extraordinary beverage, soon I am enchanted with visions of me holding the divine liquid as my mind correlates the revelation of drinking such a libation; its kismet. As I mentally prepare for my journey towards my blissful coffee shop I unconsciously reverse out of my driveway, bang!

It is subtle but immersive, not comprehending to what just happened my brain steadily catches up to the situation; I have just been hit. A shock wave of what I perceive to be pain washes over me but then soon it is numbness; then nothing; my eyesight begins to dissipate and all senses become non-existent. I feel as if I am a floating consciousness venturing through space, I don’t know if I am dying or falling into a void, though one last sense faintly remains; my hearing, and as I fall into this realm of nihility I hear Alanis Morissette’s song “Ironic” playing on the radio; “Well, isn’t this nice?”.

Hi everyone and anyone that has taken the collective seconds of their own destiny to read this story. I haven’t written in a few months and thought to myself as a writing exercise why not write about my morning routine in hyperbole but more so in the most utter pretentious way. Thanks for reading but more importantly thank you for sharing your time with me.

Photo by Artem Page on Unsplash

Thanks for reading (copyright Adan Mendez all rights reserved).

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Adan Men

If horror is your jam then my stories will have you on the edge of your seat, get ready to be enthralled into the world of the unexpected and unusual.