“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” — -Albert Einstein
‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’
My fingers immerse in what seems to be an infinity of movement as repetitive words display itself on my screen; my eyes straining from the consistent bombardment of blue light and I feel faint.
‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’
The same questions asked and the same responses given, my mind numbs from the process but I know I must continue if I am to be successful in my venture. Quotes from philosophers start to dance around in my head that give me insight to bliss; but then replaced with anguish, I realize most are just at this point cliches.
‘Tick tock; tick tock; tick tock’
My eyes stay engaged with my screen as my ears start to observe the surrounding noise around me, my clock goes from subtle ‘clicks’ to excruciating church bells; applying a blanket of stress that leads to my blood pressure rising. I’m cognitive of the time and understand it is ever so softly slipping away from me.
‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’
Beads of sweat begin to form around my forehead, my frustration then takes control and like an erupting volcano I yell out with dismay “fuck you!” Taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate; my awareness slowly becomes lucid, I acknowledge that I am defeated. I am frozen with sorrow sitting in my chair staring at my screen; I faintly hear my neighbor banging on the wall yelling “fuck you too!”
‘Tick tock; tick tock; tick tock’
My once pugnacious demeanor morphs into a despondent one, I apprehensively come to terms with my fate. As if I was waving a white flag to display my surrender my hand slowly moves the mouse cursor over to the “log off” button; though before clicking I wait a few seconds with indifference. ‘Click’; it is done, each day logging off of my dating sites I feel more conquered. The gradual sadness that I am inundated with is a revelation I go to sleep with; bottling it up inside of me.
‘Knock; knock; knock’
Trying to ignore the knocks at my door I finally persuade myself to answer it; it is my neighbor Sarah. She comments on my appearance looking a bit weary and indolent but does so with a smile. Sarah asks if I am okay; her hearing my sudden outburst just a few minutes earlier. Not wanting to indulge into any real conversation I dismiss her concerns with a half-hearted mummer “I’m okay”; her smile abruptly disappears and quickly interjects a “well I’m here if you ever want to talk, I care”, with that I carefully close the door without saying anything in return. As I tread back to my dark gloomy solace I look at my computer one last time with despair and ponder if I will ever find true love.
Thanks for reading.
(Copyright Adan Mendez, all rights reserved)
