Jaded

Adan Men
3 min readMar 5, 2022

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” — -Albert Einstein

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‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’

My fingers immerse in what seems to be an infinity of movement as repetitive words display itself on my screen; my eyes straining from the consistent bombardment of blue light and I feel faint.

‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’

The same questions asked and the same responses given, my mind numbs from the process but I know I must continue if I am to be successful in my venture. Quotes from philosophers start to dance around in my head that give me insight to bliss; but then replaced with anguish, I realize most are just at this point cliches.

‘Tick tock; tick tock; tick tock’

My eyes stay engaged with my screen as my ears start to observe the surrounding noise around me, my clock goes from subtle ‘clicks’ to excruciating church bells; applying a blanket of stress that leads to my blood pressure rising. I’m cognitive of the time and understand it is ever so softly slipping away from me.

‘Click clack; click clack; click clack’

Beads of sweat begin to form around my forehead, my frustration then takes control and like an erupting volcano I yell out with dismay “fuck you!” Taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate; my awareness slowly becomes lucid, I acknowledge that I am defeated. I am frozen with sorrow sitting in my chair staring at my screen; I faintly hear my neighbor banging on the wall yelling “fuck you too!”

‘Tick tock; tick tock; tick tock’

My once pugnacious demeanor morphs into a despondent one, I apprehensively come to terms with my fate. As if I was waving a white flag to display my surrender my hand slowly moves the mouse cursor over to the “log off” button; though before clicking I wait a few seconds with indifference. ‘Click’; it is done, each day logging off of my dating sites I feel more conquered. The gradual sadness that I am inundated with is a revelation I go to sleep with; bottling it up inside of me.

‘Knock; knock; knock’

Trying to ignore the knocks at my door I finally persuade myself to answer it; it is my neighbor Sarah. She comments on my appearance looking a bit weary and indolent but does so with a smile. Sarah asks if I am okay; her hearing my sudden outburst just a few minutes earlier. Not wanting to indulge into any real conversation I dismiss her concerns with a half-hearted mummer “I’m okay”; her smile abruptly disappears and quickly interjects a “well I’m here if you ever want to talk, I care”, with that I carefully close the door without saying anything in return. As I tread back to my dark gloomy solace I look at my computer one last time with despair and ponder if I will ever find true love.

Thanks for reading.

Photo by Shagun Damadia on Unsplash

(Copyright Adan Mendez, all rights reserved)

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Adan Men

If horror is your jam then my stories will have you on the edge of your seat, get ready to be enthralled into the world of the unexpected and unusual.