For the last past month I have been suffering from sleep walking, something I’ve never done before and during my midnight adventures I‘ve come to the bewildering realization that I have been digging a hole. Each morning I’ll find myself in the back yard covered in dirt, sleeping next to a hole that I apparently had been excavating. I tend to kick the dirt back into the emptiness before cleaning up for work, the stranger part of this whole ordeal is that no one ever see’s me do it. I’ve asked my wife if she had noticed me getting up in the middle of the night but tells me no, that all she remembers is the usual; us holding each other as we fall asleep. I’ve asked my children about the phenomena and they too tell me they haven’t seen anything odd. For the first few weeks I thought it was comical, laughing under my breath while shaking my head in disbelief; amazed when waking up next to the hole. Since the bizarre occurrence my dog has found his way by my side through it all; each morning squeezing his over size body through the ‘doggy door’, laying next to me licking at my face. To add more mystery I don’t even remember dreaming, it’s just a blank of nothing, my dreams fading into the ether. Memories is what all I have now and I feel soon those like everything else will drift away, leaving me with only the hole.
It all started with my new job, I got a promotion at work, one that would elevate me and family to a level of financial freedom. We were all excited, I knew the opportunities that would be unlock from this was well worth it, the only catch — if you want to call it that — was I now would be enthralled with my job. There was no such thing as punching in or out, I was salary and if my boss called me, well, I’d better pick up. So as time progressed I noticed that my mind was casually slipping into a state of indifference; things seem to morph into one existence, I could no longer tell when I was working or at home. Everything felt like a rinse and repeat sort of deal, my wife could see the decline in my attitude, telling me I needed more rest or better a vacation. The idea made me smile, rest, a simple thing to do but hard to achieve, my job was very demanding and they were paying my bills so I had no choice other than to work hard. I saw my family less and less, people from work slowly replacing their faces as my thoughts would be consumed of only my job. Though, one thing I didn’t relent on was me coming home just in time to put my kids to bed and hold my wife as we would fall asleep. That was the bare minimum; I needed that and only hoped they looked forward to it as much as I did.
After a few months of me slithering through the realm of my new life the sleep walking began, that first morning waking up to the sun rising as I felt my dogs drool slipping down my face was oddly refreshing. I remember gathering myself and standing to my feet, the morning breeze brushing against my cheeks as the aroma of lilac simmered in the air. I felt at peace, as if I had been meditating, my mind altering a new perspective. I breathed in heavy intaking much of the morning as I could before turning to see the hole. I didn’t know why but looking at it’s darkness left me feeling uneasy, it couldn’t have been more than a few feet deep but in the dim morning light it appeared endless. I remained baffled of why this thing was here in the middle of my yard and that’s when I saw the shovel, apparently it was me. I stood perplexed of why and how this could be possible, I didn’t have a history of sleep walking; or at least I couldn’t remember. I didn’t let it bother me that much in the moment, it was still beautiful outside, the wind still swirled around me as the fallen leaves danced around my yard; nature was truly entertaining me with it’s grace. Before leaving to work that morning I told my wife about the occurrence and she laughed, told me that perhaps I was digging a new pool for us, I laughed back.
The next morning was the same, I woke up to my dog licking my face as the sun gradually shed it’s glow unto my yard, the morning breeze not as enchanting as the day prior. I glanced around feeling disheveled, my head throbbing as my back tighten, I stood to my feet and quickly saw the hole. There it was, but this time slightly bigger, it’s presence demanding such attention, I couldn’t do anything else other than stare at it for a few minutes before kicking the dirt back into it. Once again the shovel laid a few feet away, I looked down at my dog shrugging my shoulders confounded only for him to look back at me with a emphatic stare. I painfully dragged myself back into the house to clean up and get ready for work, I again told my wife about what had happened as I kissed her goodbye for the day. She still didn’t think much about it, only giggling with her soft voice accusing me of being aware of what I was doing.
This went on for days, waking up to my dog licking my face while the sun casually arose and always next to the hole. Each morning it was getting bigger even though I would fill back in before heading off to work. The situation was getting more bizarre as day’s passed, I didn’t know how I could be digging at this rate, I dug before conscious and it wasn’t a fun experience; usually I would be huffing and puffing after a few minutes, but to be digging all night only to wake up to slight aching was insane. My family found the whole ordeal humorous, my kids laughing at night when I put them to bed, I was convinced I must of been making up the whole story in my head, perhaps my dreams were bleeding over into my reality when first waking up? Though that wouldn’t explain why I would sleep walk out into the yard.
I tried ignoring the unraveling of my own sanity, still spending most of my time at work, calling my wife occasionally asking her about the hole. I wondered to myself if it was nefarious, maybe some sink hole that would eventually swallow my entire home. That would make more sense than me digging each night, then again there would be the shovel. She told me there was nothing in the yard, no cavity, nothing to be alarmed of. I tried pushing it to the back of my mind, I really did, I just needed to get through this quarter; get my bonus and take a vacation with my family. I knew I had to be losing my mind due to the stress and lack of rest, it was the only logical explanation.
That all changed after several weeks had gone by, I awoke to the sun blaring it’s shine down on to my face, the morning breeze no longer soothing but disheartening, this time the shovel was still in my hand. I released my grip and sat up grabbing at my head as the pounding was all too intense. I slowly turned to look at it, knowing it would be there; it’s manifestation sinking my chest into my stomach and like clockwork there it was, a void in the middle of my yard. This time the hole was bigger than it had ever been, three times the size of it’s original form. This had to be impossible, even if I was digging all night there was no way I could of done this in a few hours. I walked around the barren of desolation puzzled at how deep this thing really was, only darkness crawled of it’s depths and I pondered for a second of how I would get out if I would happen to fall in. That’s when I realized my face was not filled with the slobber from my loving dog, I looked around calling out to him, he wasn’t outside with me like he usually was and then I stared back down at the hole.
“No” I whimpered out as I fell to my knees teetering on the edge of the cavity, sobbing out for my dog.
My dog had fallen in, my stomach turning knots of how this could of happened, I didn’t know what I was going to tell my family, my kids were going to be devastated. Knowing the hole was too big to fill in I tried my best by build a small barricade around it, isolating this monster away from my family. I walked inside my home with tears slipping down my face, I went upstairs to give my wife the bad news, she was still sleeping in bed. I quietly crawled into bed pulling her into my arms, she moaned out in discomfort asking me what I was doing. That’s when I told her about our dog, about the hole, that my sleep walking was getting dangerous and to my astonishment she laughed. This angered me, I quickly released her and stood to my feet disgusted of how she could find this remotely funny. She told me to relax, that working all those hours was getting to me because we had no dog. I stood frozen from horror, bewildered at her words; she had to be pulling my leg and I berated her for making a mockery of our family dog. My work phone rang breaking the strong tension that had built up in the room as my wife looked at me now worried. I told her I had to leave and told her not to tell the kids until I got home.
I spent most of the day at work thinking of my dog, his loyal friendship was always a blessing. I could feel my anger build up anytime I would think of how insensitive my wife was, I was horrified thinking of how I was going to tell the kids. I even asked for advice from my coworkers, them telling me to be direct, that bad news was like pulling off a band-aid; the quicker the better. So that night as I was putting my children to sleep I decided to tell them the sad news, I told them about the accident and I outstretched my arms expecting them to hurdle into my embrace but instead they looked at me befuddled. I repeated my words, this time more firmly thinking they weren’t digesting the gravity of the situation but they remained confused glancing at each other then back at me.
“But dad, we don’t have a dog” my son told me.
My eyes widen with disbelief as I arose to my feet upset, what was happening? Did my wife put my kids up to this nonsense, was this a way for them to cope with the death of our dog? I couldn’t help it but lose my temper and I told them they were grounded, they started to cry causing my wife to burst in. We had the worst argument that night, she didn’t drop the ruse of us never having a dog, she stayed at it only infuriating me even more. I slept on the couch that night, trying my best to accept the fact that my dog was dead and it was all because of that horrid hole. I could even feel it’s ghastly spirit hover above me; taking form as a shadow; one that filled my living room leaving me in absolute darkness.
I awoke in the now all to familiar place, the sun shining down on me as the scent of dirt inundated my nostrils. I cried out in defeat tired of how sleep walking was ruining my life, I arose to my feet and looked down at the abysmal hole and I can only imagine it was looking back up at me. The dam thing had only grown larger, or perhaps I had dug even deeper; it was now taking up about half of my yard. I can only imagine the things it must of been consuming while I was away, swallowing up the small critters that usually frolicked around the yard. The morning sound was still, absent of any energy, only a small humming was present and I noticed it was coming from the hole. The beast ate my flimsy barricade and I had to find a way to block it off once again, I stacked any item I could find around it’s perimeter. I didn’t bother kissing my wife goodbye, instead I stood at the doorway telling her to keep our kids away from the hole until I found a permanent solution. She nodded me off, waving her hand at me, her still half asleep me knowing my words were only falling on deaf ears.
I told my coworkers about the hole and what I was experiencing, they told me it was awful but not really caring, brushing off my concerns only to redirecting our conversation back to work. I felt remorse for the way I had dealt with my family, it was just their way of coping with the loss of our dog and called my wife in the middle of the day to check on everything, she answered casually.
I told her how much I loved her and the kids, that I knew work was taking all of my time; that soon things would go back to normal. I must of blabbered on for several minutes venting all of my concerns into one conversation; her staying quiet listening calmly as I went on. Then her silence became terrifying when I finally had stopped talking, she wasn’t comforting me or acknowledging my troubles, instead her breathing became heavy as I could hear timidly begin to speak,
“What are you talking about? We don’t have kids”.
I dropped the phone, my skin turning inside out from dread, I knew that the monster had taken them. I drove home and ran up the stairs to my kids bedroom, to my horror it was empty, no bunk beds, no pinned drawings were on the wall but worse my kids weren’t there. I stormed towards my bedroom, my wife was reading a book in bed, I snatched it out of her hands and demanded to know where my children were. I asked her if they had fallen down the hole, that why didn’t she keep them away, I must of yelled for minutes; my anger boiling over to level I didn’t know existed. I could see how terrified my wife was of me in that moment, her glazed eyes staring back at me while her lip trembled. I fell to the floor curling up into a ball sobbing, mourning the loss of my children while my wife remained in bed horrified. Eventually she crouched down to the floor with me, gently stroking my head trying to make sense of what I was talking about. I told it was the hole, that it took them, that I could even feel it’s allure; the darkness consuming our lives and that’s when she told me ‘there was no hole’. I continued crying, not bothering to challenge the notion of the hole not existing and she held me until I fell asleep from exhaustion.
Of course I awoke to the sun rising, showering my yard in it’s warmth, the morning breeze rushing past me as my head throbbed. I stood to my feet and saw how massive the hole was now, it resembled a canyon of empty space. I reluctantly walked into my house, going up the stairs to my bedroom; I already knew before I even opened the door. I walked around my bedroom defeated, it was all gone, all photos of us, her clothes; it was as if she never existed. I sadly looked at the empty bed, it’s vacancy leaving me to drown in my own anguish.
One month, that’s all it took for this demon to devour my life, it’s all gone, of course my coworkers tried convincing me that I never had a wife; that I had always been single. I don’t even care anymore at this point, I sit here writing this goodbye letter to the world, after all there’s nothing left to live for, I plan on joining my family in the void; I am going to jump into the hole. Maybe all this time it really wanted me and not them, I don’t know what will happen but I leave this last question to all that ever come across my story,
“I’m I going crazy?”
Thanks for reading! :)
Copyright Adan Mendez (all rights reserved)
