I have the worst nightmares, in fact, I do my best not to fall asleep. I stay up most of the night with the lights on, impassively staring at my phone. I even slap myself whenever I feel my eyes cautiously closing, I don’t know what to do anymore. I drink coffee; so much coffee and I’m not proud but I even do drugs just to stay awake, the nightmares; I can’t handle them anymore.